Mayor Bans/Pardons Torture

Flubug City Hall – Mayor Bobby Ornrey released photographs yesterday that depict the chilling extent to which harsh interrogation techniques were used by officials at the Flubug Police Department under his precedessor, Chuck Bylaw. The photos, taken by investigative reporter Anita Rimes (who has since left The Bugle for personal reasons), show a “dungeon” in the mine shafts below City Hall in which dubious methods were employed to extract information. Those methods, including tongue deprivation, simulated keelhauling and repeated exposure to Charlie Sheen’s tweets, have long been a source of controversy for personal liberty buffs. Continue reading

Activists Disrupt Dooley Autopsy

The autopsy of Derbish “Dooley” Peckinpah, pop icon and former bass player for the self-described psychobilly outfit, Dr. Longsleeves, was interrupted this afternoon when members of a radical women’s anti-vivesectionist group called Condition Lavender broke into the coroner’s office and demanded his body. The women, waving banners that read, “Autopsy is Murder” and “Keep Your Calipers Off My Body,” cited the rock star’s history of comatose behavior and read a laundry list of unrelated demands before being dragged from the premise. Continue reading